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Jealousy is like a bonderrostrome of a sword, according to the professor of psychology, Clifford Lazarus. In small quantities, this feeling protects our union. But it is worth allowing him to bloom, how it gradually kills relations. How to deal with an excess of jealousy?

No matter what feelings we hide jealousy, no matter how much it expresses it, behind it is always the fear of the disappearance of a loved one, the loss of a sense of self -confidence and growing loneliness.

“The tragic irony of jealousy is that over time it begins to nourish fantasies, often divorced from reality,” said Cognitive therapist Clifford Lazarus. – the jealous man speaks of his suspicions to the partner, he denies everything, and attempts to defend himself from offensive words begin to be considered by the prosecutor as confirmation of their guesses. However, the interlocutor’s transition to a defensive position is only a natural response to pressure and an emotional onslaught jealous ”.

If such conversations are repeated and the “accused” partner has to report again and again, where he was and with whom he met, this devastates and gradually moves him away from the “prosecutor” partner.

In the end, we risk losing a loved one not because of his romantic interest in the third party: he may simply not withstand the atmosphere of constant distrust, the obligation to reassure the jealous and take care of his emotional comfort.

Antidote of jealousy

If, jealous of a partner, you will begin to ask yourself questions, you can more constructively treat your experiences.

Ask yourself: what exactly is in jealousy in me right now? That I’m really afraid to lose? That I’m trying to keep? What prevents me from feeling confident in a relationship?

After listening to yourself, you can hear the following: “I am not good enough (good for him”, “If this person leaves me, I can’t handle me”, “I will not find anyone and remain alone”. Analysis of these questions and answers will help reduce the level of an imaginary threat, thereby dissolving a sense of jealousy.

Often, our subconscious fears that have nothing to do with the intentions of the partner, so the next stage is a critical attitude to what seems to us evidence of the infidelity of the loved one. The ability to soberly evaluate what has become a true trigger of anxiety is the most important step in solving the problem.

It seems that a loved one is a source of our experiences, but only we ourselves are responsible for the manifestation of our jealousy

Communicate with your partner with respect and trust. Our actions affect our thoughts and feelings. Showing a distrust of a partner,

we begin to experience more and more anxiety and jealousy. And on the contrary, when we are open to a loved one and turn to him with love, we feel better.

Avoid the pronoun “you” and try to say “I” as often as possible. Instead of saying: “You did not have to do this” or “You made me worry”, build the phrase differently: “It was very difficult for me when it happened”.

Your assessment of the situation may fundamentally differ from how a partner looks at her. Try to maintain objectivity, even if you sometimes experience a desire to attack him with accusations. It seems that a loved one is a source of our experiences, but only we ourselves are responsible for the manifestation of our jealousy. Try to listen more, instead of provoking a partner to endless excuses.

Try to enter the position of a partner and sympathize with him. He loves you, but turns out to be a hostage to your aggravated feelings and internal experiences, and it is not easy for him to withstand your interrogations again and again. In the end, if the partner understands that it is powerless to facilitate your sense of jealousy, he will begin to ask himself painful questions: where will your relationship turn and how to be further?

That is how jealousy, generated, perhaps only an imagination, can lead to the consequences that we were afraid of most.

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